Obsessive? Yes. Well mannered? Not so much.

Enterpreneurs and early stage startup teams are really, really excited about what they do. And they're obsessive. Just ask them a casual question on what they're doing, and they'll launch into a long impassioned epic (a monologue of course) on their great idea, and how it is going to change the world (or, if they're just a wee bit realistic, the world as they know it). In some ways it is good thing. They have to be passionate and obsessive because it is very difficult to start a business without that fire and spirit.

But unfortunately they do tend to forget their manners. While they're quite capable of nattering on about their startup, they miss what they learned back in kindergarten. Sharing. Asking 'How are you doing? What are you up to?". Forgetting these basics don't make for good conversations.

I just got back from a coffee with an old friend who I haven't seen in a few years. He's moved to the other coast and we just got an hour of his time on a vacation stopover. He used to work with me, and is really good, and I wanted to explore the idea of having him join me in some way in my new venture. There was a 'hi', 'how are you', some comment about the flight, and I then spent the rest of the time pitching the concept and all that it could be. It is only after I left I realized that I didn't know anything about what's going on in his life other than he was employed and doing 'well' and whatever may have come from the holiday emails. Wow. And I thought I had the Dear Abby/Miss Manners/Emily Post views of good conversation down.

It's a startup symptom, particulary visible in the early stages. I often get together with others who're in a similar boat, and the only thing that ensures that we all get a chance to talk is that each of us is chomping at the bit to talk about our baby (coming to think about it, the behavior is very similar to that of new parents - with the occasional website or powerpoint showing-off instead of a baby pic). This is also due to the fact that in the early stages we don't have much of a life (at least what we can talk about with zest) outside of the startup - again the similarity to new parenthood.

I do have the good sense to not obsess (at least not much) with those who're not really interested or involved in this space. That covers a decent percentage of friends and family who get the thumbnail and then move on to discussing dinner and gossip. So they haven't dropped me from their circles. There's hope yet.